You Matter. Always. All Ways.
Would you have guessed that I was having depression in this picture?
In February 2014, I literally crashed and “did not get up” for six months except for that part that I had to drag my heavy soul to the doctors. And God, do I really knew then HOW REAL DEPRESSION IS!!! You lost control of yourself in every single way - both mentally and physically. Your energy is as good as to non-existence. Definitely not something you can just snap out of your head! Just like any other illnesses. Having to be strong from a young age, independent and talking about uncomfortable emotions or crying were frowned on, depression hit me like a huge blardy truck. I crawled and fought my way through the black hole. Somedays, LITERALLY. It took me three years to feel like a normal human again. Not just fighting the invisible disease but the stigma around it made it harder.
It was evident then that I was not well at all but you will be surprise by how people would insist that you are ok. “You have always been strong Ryana, you’ll be just fine” , “You’ve gone through worse”, “Be grateful for your life, there are people suffering more than you”, and so much more.. I barely even had the energy to speak up and eventually dropped to 45kg. Losing 10kgs within two weeks. I wasn’t suicidal however I was so weak, fragile and in so much pain mentally and physically that I was not sure if I would last.
Years later, I realised that what I really craved then was assurance that it was okay for me to be vulnerable, that it was part of being human to be fragile and to feel all emotions including the uncomfortable ones. Unfortunately, shame accompanies these mental sickness, most of the time because of the deep conditioning of judgements around it, making it harder for one to open up. Especially for the ones that had gone through life “strong” or associated vulnerability as a weakness.
Fast forward, I am living my life purpose now. Am a proud mental health advocate being that I experienced it first hand myself. Also a huge advocate of the importance of vulnerability and authenticity in our lives. Anxiety is still something I am healing and in fact I am helping others to heal it too. Every year it gets a tad better, a constant work in progress. An honor and grateful to be ask to write or speak about it at times. Who else would do it better right?? If not the one who has walked through it.
This whole experience has changed my life forever. Changed my perspective in almost every level. I am a hypnotherapist, a life coach and a soundbath therapist/meditation teacher today. I guide people on their emotional well-being, healing their past traumas to live a better and purposeful life and managing stress better. I also choose to be more open, in hoping to encourage people to step out with these illnesses and embrace vulnerabilities as part of being human. I also ran events - Own Your Breath with the initiative of giving voices to the voiceless and currently in the midst of moving it to online platform. I had a breakfast talkshow via Instagram Live last year, when I paused Own Your Breath as it was a LIVE audience event. Both had overwhelming response being that we talked just about anything taboo, stories from everyday people that will inspire and motivate others, interviewing people from all walks of lives. Because everyone matters. Every story matters.
September is the month of #RUOKday and also a Suicide Prevention Awareness month. Just a simple gesture of care and asking a simple question - R U OK? will make a huge difference for someone who is struggling with them.
Amongst our basic human emotional needs are to be loved, seen and heard. To feel mattered. So next time when you ask someone how they are, BE FULLY PRESENT. Energy don’t lie. Ask sincerely, listen without judgement, encourage actions and check regularly. Everyone, regardless of how happy, how rich, confident or strong they are will go through some battle of their own. So judge less, be more curious instead and view things from compassion. Imagine if we simply live in a world full of love xoxo
Forever grateful,
Ryana Yusoff